Here is the thing, I am here to make you laugh. On a recent trip to Croatia and Montenegro I ran into some car issues, had an unexpected visitor in my Airbnb, messed with the law in Montenegro, and of course there was some flirting gone wrong. Per usual, I went with my regular travel partner, Carly.
Wait, how do you park this thing?
I am not even going to try to use the correct car terms because a) I don’t know them b) don’t want to spend the next 30 minutes Googling them. Back to the car. We rented a at the Zagreb airport for a road trip from northern Croatia down to Dubrovnik. It was difficult finding an affordable automatic transmission car in Zagreb and we needed an automatic because Carly and I don’t know how to drive stick shifts.
I was the lucky duck that drove first, I put the car in Drive and we hit the road. All seemed normal. About an hour in we realized something was wrong. We didn’t have any road trip snacks. We needed snacks. I pulled into the next gas station and looked down at the gear shift to put the car in park. To my surprise there was not a park option. We had ALL the other options just not park. Well fuck. How the hell do you park this thing?
We pulled out the manual. Nothing in there. Now, we know we are being idiots this car cannot be that hard to put in park. We Googled the car. Nothing. Okay, so we are big idiots and I was getting haaaangry for snacks. My next thought, ask one of the men working at the gas station. That clearly wasn’t going to work at they spoke only Croatian.
I was about to just pull the emergency break and hope for the best when we realized if we shifted the car into another gear and pulled the E-break the car sounded like it was in park. Now, I don’t know if it was correct but it worked for the duration of the trip and I haven’t heard from the rental car company saying I fucked the car up.
Note to self- before leaving the car rental lot make sure you know how to park the car.
And he came through the window
Our first night in Croatia we stayed in the northern town of Pula. Our Airbnb was on the ground level and had lovely french windows that we opened to get some fresh night air. Carly and I were chilling on the bed reading when she made a face at the window. It was the kind of face you make when you see the boogie man. I stopped what I was doing, my heart racing, and yelled “what?” before she could answer I heard it. I low guttural groan. Now what the fuck is that? And do I really want to know or should I just slam the shutters and hide in the bathroom?
Well, I didn’t have time to look or slam the window closed because the next moment a white and orange cat pounced through the window.
OMG! BEST DAY EVER! If you’ve read any of my previous articles you may know that I LOVE ANIMALS. This was a dream come true. I’ve always wanted a random animal to come in through my window and be my best friend. This fluffy guy was ohhhh so friendly. He came over to Carly and I to get some scratches and then plopped his butt on the bed and purred for the next hour and half. I was in cat heaven!
Figuring our new friend was going to stay the night I went for a shower, when I came back to the bedroom Kitty was not where I left him. We searched high and low, he was nowhere to be found. That little shit snuck in the window to get some loving and left without saying goodbye. I was devastated…for the next five minutes I berated Carly as to why she wasn’t paying attention to him while I was showering. Now she knows better.
The good news, there were plenty of other cats in Croatia for me to get my fix.
A detainee and a border crossing
From Dubrovnik we decided to take a small group day trip to Montenegro. We reached the border crossing and handed over our passports to our driver. Luckily, we were the first in line at the crossing. I thought this would be a breeze. It might take 15 minutes to stamp the passports and let us be on our way. 15 minutes turned into 30 which turned in 45 which turned in about 2.5 hours. Sitting there. In a minibus. Squeezed in on the back bench, holding in a fart,and no internet. I fell asleep at one point and woke up with drool running out of my mouth. The older ladies sitting next to us also commented on how sleepy we were. What I wanted to tell them, “listen ladies, I need my beauty sleep and if we are just going to sit here I am going to nap”.
Finally, there was some commotion. Our driver returned, started the car and drove through the crossing. And just like that we were on our way, he didn’t mention the wait time or why it took so long. According to the tour guide, who was able to get the inside scoop, border control wanted to detain our driver. For what reason, I have no clue.
On the way back to Croatia our guide only asked for select passports to give the border control agent. Out of the 15 passengers on the bus she took five EU passports. I’m guessing she didn’t want to deal with another delay.
Flirting with Farts
Something I love about traveling through Europe in the summer is all of the gelato stands in the city centers. It is the perfect snack after a day of sightseeing. While visiting Kotor, Montenegro, Carly and I hiked to the top of St. John’s Hill for views of the city walls and bay. The hike wasn’t easy. It was uphill on loose gravel and it was hot. There were also a million people doing the same hike and it was a fight to pick the best spot to walk and not break your ankle.
By the time we got back down we were a sweaty mess. Clearly, we needed a gelato. We found a nice spot on a concrete ledge over looking the bay of Kotor. On this ledge about 15 feet down was a middle-aged man enjoying a gelato as well. We thought nothing of it until he started making eyes at us and eating his gelato in ways a grown man should not do in public. To prove his love to us even more, he stared at us, licked his cone and pushed out a large loud fart. To top it off with a cherry he then gave us a head nod. Excuse me sir, but no, that is not how you get the ladies. Carly and I promptly left the ledge and giggled until we found a spot where no one could flirt with us with a fart.
This is not the first time I encountered a fart while traveling, check out what happened in India.
That’s the thing about travel, you never know what is going to happen. You learn something new, in my case parking a European car, get a friendly kitty surprise, finally cross that border, and flirt with the locals. There will always be that embarrassing event that makes you laugh even years after the trip.